One week down.

This is now where I spend my days, surrounded by photos of and drawings made by my family.

 

Well, I did it.  I made it through my first week back at work.  Here are some things I’ve learned:

·         Humans really are creatures of habit.  I mean, I’ve been gone for 9 months and started right back into the same routines I was in before I left.  I drink my coffee and catch up on emails first thing, sip tea and work through my to-do list for the rest of the day. 

·         Kids are totally adaptable if you have put the proper resources in place.  Picking the most amazing childcare provider for our family has made a huge difference in our son’s behavior this time around.  Sure, it’s only been a few days but it’s already so different from this time last year when he was sent to what we now know was the wrong daycare for us.   

·         I really like being outside.  I spend my windowless office hours thinking about my garden and when I’m going to find the time to harvest those beets already.  I miss the sun and the fresh air and the feeling of my bare feet in the grass.

·         It turns out, I like my coffee hot!  I forgot what it was like to finish a hot cuppa joe before it got cold.  There are definitely some perks to working outside the home.

All in all, my week was good.  I have found it easier to settle in than I thought I would and my family seems to have already adjusted to the change.  Maybe it won’t be such an awful summer after all.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, it's off to work I go.

So, here’s the scoop: it’s time for me to go back to work.  My doctor and I decided a couple of months ago that I would be ready at the beginning of July and here we are already, just under three weeks left to go.  I’m excited, anxious, happy and sad.  I spend my days thinking of what I will miss and what I won’t miss.  Here’s a snapshot of what’s been going through my mind lately:

Things I won’t miss while I’m at work:

·         The crazy-time my daughter has every afternoon.  She has a total freak-out because the jelly is on top of the peanut butter (imagine that!), she has to wait until October for her birthday (really nothing I can do there) and/or because she doesn’t want to ride her bike (but she really wants to ride her bike!!).  She’s three, she can’t help it but I certainly won’t miss it.

·         Meal planning.  When I first stopped working, it just made sense that the housework, meal –planning, and general household management would be my responsibility while my husband worked 40+ hours a week.  He definitely ended up doing more housework than he probably bargained for but the meal planning was all me.  And I hate it.  Hate it, hate it, hate it.  I’ll be glad to start sharing that responsibility again.

·         Strict budgeting.  My husband and I have definitely had to learn about making a budget (and sticking to it!) while I’ve been off work.  We plan to carry these newly acquired skills to our two-income living but adding a few frills here and there without sweating about it will definitely be a nice change.

Thing I’ll miss while I’m at work:

·         Lazy mornings.  It’s been great just having to get the kids ready and then getting myself into some clothes (any clothes), brushing my teeth and heading out the door.  No need to wash my face or brush my hair because I’m just walking to the school and back.  This will not be acceptable at the office.  It’s time to add a shower, blow-dry, hair straightening, make-up and office clothes back into our morning routine.  Ugh.

·         The one-on-one time I spend with my daughter every morning for the 2.5 hours my son is in school.  We shop together, run errands together or I just push her on the swings until my arms hurt.  I love that we have been able to share this time together.

·         Spending the day outside.  Do I really need to say more about this?  What’s worse, my office doesn’t have a window.  Boo.

·         Walking my kids to school and being a part of the school community.  I’ll be dropping them off with and picking them up from their daycare provider next year instead of the school.  I won’t have those daily interactions with their teachers or with the other parents.  Instead, I’ll be the mom depending on open house and parent-teacher nights to really get a good grasp of my kids’ education and school life.  This makes me sad.

This list could really go on forever and honestly, it goes without saying that I’m going to miss the time I spend with my kids the most.  Staying home with them every day for the last nine months has been tough but I’m already getting choked up knowing that in two weeks they’ll have to start sharing me with a full-time job again.  Hopefully, like everything else, this will be a lot harder for me than it is for them. 

My daughter just asked if we could make cookies.  Although it will likely result in a freak-out of epic proportions, I’m going to drop everything to do that with her now because in three weeks, I’ll be sitting in a windowless office, staring at photos of them and wishing we were baking cookies.  Maybe I’ll even be missing my daughter’s crazy-time and should include a photo of it on my desk as well.  Okay, maybe not.  That’s pushing the sentimentality just a little bit.

the day i took the tv away

CONFESSION: My children watch too much television.

It’s not like they’re a couple of little robots sitting in front of it all day or anything, but they'll usually watch a show or two first thing in the morning, a movie in the afternoon and another movie or another couple of shows before bed. 

We’ve been using the TV as a means to keep the kids quiet while we get things done around the house, a way for them to cool down in the afternoon in lieu of taking a nap and, if I’m being completely honest here, it’s also been a case of lazy parenting.  It’s just easy to put on a movie and let it keep them entertained for a little while.

A couple of movies and a show didn’t seem too terrible at first thought.  When I stopped to think about it a little more though, it dawned on me that it was 3.5-4 hours of television every day.  Over 24 hours of TV a week!  It has to stop so I’ve just introduced my family to the NO TV CHALLENGE.  That’s right, I’ve taken it away for one week.  Not too much time, but enough to hopefully make a huge impact on our family.

My husband refused to help me physically remove it from the wall (he said that was taking the challenge a little too far), so this is what I did:

This is the reaction I got from my daughter:

 
And this is the reaction I got from my son:

 
Wish me luck!  It’s going to be a long week.

Finding my Namaste

I love to practice yoga.  In fact, I NEED to practice yoga.  It feels so good to stretch my body and concentrate on nothing more than my breath for ninety minutes.

 I’ve been finding it difficult to practice as much as I would like since becoming a stay-at-home mom on a budget.  Yoga classes are expensive and practicing at home has always been too full of distractions.  It was tough enough to practice when there was only a cat pouncing all over my bridge pose but practicing at home with a cat and two kids?  Impossible.

Or so I thought.

During the week, my daughter and I walk my son to school and then have two and a half hours to ourselves, which is usually spent running errands.  Lately though, I’ve added yoga into our daily schedule and she loves it.  We both do. 

I have spent the last five years struggling to find my old before-kids self and wondering where it was she had gone.  I missed her.  Every day I missed her, and as much as I hate to admit it, I started to resent my role as mom because of it.

Why did I consider kids a distraction from the things I love to do before now?  It’s not their fault that I hadn’t been practicing yoga nor doing all the other things that I used to love doing before they came into my life.  I have been choosing to not take care of me and in doing so, have not been fair to myself or to my family.

Spending time practicing yoga with my daughter has done so much.  We have that special bonding time together and I get that amazing stretch and focus on breath that I need.  The cat?  Well, he’s still a distraction but he loves when it’s time for cat pose.  Obviously.    

In which she realizes a nap means more than a nap.

The kids are tucked in, the house is cleaned up and for the first time in about a month, I actually feel on top of things.  I’ve even made tomorrow’s snack already.  I feel in control of my life, my moods, my head.  Today, anyway.

This afternoon, the kids wanted to watch a movie and, as I often do, I saw it as my opportunity to snuggle in beside them and have a nap.  It wasn’t long before my husband woke from his night-shift slumber.  When he came downstairs to say good morning my four year old announced, “Mom’s resting again.  She always has to rest because she always feels sick.” 

Wow.  That stung.

I was offended at first.  My husband always snuggles in for a nap at movie time and the kids have never called him out on it.  Why were they doing it to me?

Then I thought about it from their perspective.  Sure, today I was feeling great and the nap really was just an innocent charge of the old batteries, but I haven’t been myself lately.  I’m quick to yell, I don’t play as much, and I take every day that my husband is home as an opportunity to sleep rather than a chance to spend time together as a family.

I’m glad that I found my motivation today.  I just wish there was a way to sprinkle myself with it every morning because I would sure love to feel like this more often. 

What do you do when your mental health gets the better of you?