And then there were two!

The last six weeks have brought a lot of change in the red house.  My son Rudie has turned into a polite little boy that loves his sister, follows direction easily and uses his words much more than he uses his fists.  I am, of course, speaking generally here.  I mean, he’s definitely no angel.  He’s still a 5-year old boy but for the first time in a really long time, we seem to be dealing with regular old, age appropriate boy stuff (and we’re so happy to do it!).

A few things changed six weeks ago.  Rudie settled into senior kindergarten with an amazing new teacher who keeps learning fun and students interested.  This is also his first year in French Immersion, and that in itself is keeping him challenged and loving school.  Six weeks ago was when I started working part time and that has helped in a huge way.  Not only does it mean there is one less person “handling” him every day, it’s another opportunity for us to chat, play and most importantly, connect as we walk the few blocks to school every morning.

The other thing we did six weeks ago was enroll Rudie in a karate club.  Three days a week he gets dressed in his gi, offers his courtesy, and for thirty minutes practices his jabs, crosses and hi-yas.  He’s learning discipline and respect and having a crazy amount of fun while he’s at it.  An added bonus?  They talk about how to talk to and listen to mom and dad at home, and they go over stranger danger strategies every few weeks.

We’ve been so happy with the progress we’ve seen in Rudie over this past month and a half that we decided to enrol Edie in karate as well.  She’s there three days a week watching her big brother anyway, so why not?  And selfishly, it's great for me to actually get to sit and watch the class with both of them in it rather than trying to watch him and keep her entertained at the same time. 

Maybe it's a combination of all these changes that have made such an impact lately.  I know for a fact that karate has been a huge part of it.  Martial Arts played an important role in my husband’s life as he was growing up and I can see it becoming just as important in our lives going forward.  It's fun, it tires them out, it teaches them really important life-skills and for that, I am thankful.  Courtesy.

 

Fall Lovin'

You know when things are going so good that you don’t want to acknowledge it out of fear that your world will come crumbling down once again?  Okay, that’s a bit on the dramatic side, but you know what I mean, right?  Everything is really, really awesome right now.  I just wish I could pause time so I’m able soak every second in.  Every smell, every colour, every laugh.     

Maybe the fall season is finally getting to me.  The slow-cooked dinners, the chilly evenings wrapped in blankets, the crunching leaves on the ground.  Maybe I’ve had one too many pumpkin spice lattes.  Whatever it is, it’s wonderful.

Thanks for reading.  xo

Product Review: The Diva Cup

Okay, so this post is about periods and a product that women put in their vaginas every month.  If you’re grossed out by the natural function of a woman’s body:

1.       What is wrong with you?

2.       Don’t read this.

Now, back to reviewing the best product that has come into my life in recent years: The Diva Cup!  Just for the record, I’m not paid in any way to promote this product (I wish!) I just really love it and want to share my love of it with women everywhere.

I’ve been using the Diva Cup for about a year and a half now.  I had been curious about the cup for a while and then I read about how this blogger found a moldy tampon in her new box of Kotex and made the decision right there to never use tampons again. 

I’m so glad I did for so many reasons:  I’m not shoving bleached cotton tubes into myself every month, which makes me feel good about what I’m doing (or not doing!) to my body.  I love that I’m not creating all that waste every month and, on top of all that, I bought one cup for $40.99 eighteen months ago and haven’t had to spend another dollar on my period since. 

The Diva Cup is made of surgical grade silicone and is perfectly safe to be worn for up to 12 hours before emptying, washing and reinserting.  Seriously, this product has turned my period into a non-period.  I think about it twice a day a few days a month and that’s it.  I never have to worry about heavy days, light days, sorting myself out in a public washroom or leaks.  This product has made my life better. 

If you're in the Hamilton area, you can pick your Diva Cup up at Barefoot Babies on Ottawa Street (that's where I got mine!) and change your periods forever, too.

Have you used the Diva Cup?  Do you have any questions?  Let me know all about your experience and/or ask away in the comments below. 

Happy period indeed, ladies!

Right Back Where We Started

If you’re a regular reader of Tales from the Red House, you know just how far we’ve come this year.  My son Rudie is a great kid.  A super kid!  With some hard work by all four members of our family this year, his behaviour at home has changed from hitting, swearing, spitting, and screaming back into the actions of the sweet, funny, smart and snuggly little guy that we knew was in there all along. 

 

Did you see the catch there?  His behaviour AT HOME has changed.  There were still issues whenever Rudie was with our daycare provider, and we were worried about what would happen once he was back in school, but we thought we were managing the day-to-day.  We were using all the things we had learned in the Incredible Years program, all the parenting tools we had put into place around the house, and all the meetings with doctors, social workers, and therapists all who had the same diagnosis of “there is no diagnosis”, and the advice that he would one day grow out of it.  But then one day last week we got a call that we did not see coming and our lives were turned upside down once again.  Our amazing and perfect-for-us daycare provider was having a really hard time with Rudie’s behaviour and would no longer be able to watch him.*  And there we were, just like that, without daycare for the third time in a year.

 

We were so sad and so worried and to be honest, it took everything we had to not be angry with Rudie. 

In just a few days, we’ve been able to sort out daycare.  It’s taken a lot of help from family to fill in the immediate gaps and an understanding workplace that is allowing me to work part-time hours to care for my kids before and after school.  That’s a huge load off our backs.  Then Rudie had his second day of Senior Kindergarten today.  While he was there, he spit on his friend’s snack, hit his teacher three times and all of a sudden, we’re here again.

We are now in the process of reopening our file with Children’s Mental Health and we have an appointment with our family doctor next week.  We’re taking all the same steps we’ve taken over the last twelve months but this time, we’re not taking no-answer for an answer.  Aggressive behaviour is one thing, but getting kicked out of three daycares is another thing entirely.  We need answers this time and we need them for our little boy.  We don’t talk specifics in front of him, but he knows exactly what’s happening.  He’s too bright not to. 

I’ll be sharing the tips, tricks and tools that have been working in our house over the next little while and will also post regular updates about our progress on this, our second lap.  In the meantime, I’m sending Rudie to school tomorrow with these in his backpack.  Laminated reminders of the family that love him every day.

 

*Our amazing and perfect-for-us daycare provider is still amazing and perfect-for-us but Rudie is a tough kid to provide care for, especially when you’re defending your own kids against his violent behaviour.



Here We Go Again

As you may or may not have already noticed, I haven’t posted anything in a few days, including the last few posts of the blog challenge.  Shit has hit the fan once again in The Red House in a really big, snowball-effect kind of way and I’m not quite ready to write about it just yet.  I will fill you all in on what’s happening soon, I just need some time to figure it all out myself. 

In the meantime, I counted fifteen (FIFTEEN!) over-ripe bananas in my freezer this morning, so I made some banana bread and it is going perfectly with this cup of tea.  It’s actually making me feel a little bit better today.

Also, my mother-in-law left this on my counter the other day. 

She calls them “counter pickles”.   Anyone ever heard of them?  Apparently, they’re quite safe to leave on the counter.  My husband has been eating them and he’s still alive to tell about it, but I’m still not completely convinced. I think I’ll be putting them in a jar in the fridge by the end of the day today, and then never touching them ever again.  They weird me out.  If you know anything of these “counter pickles”, please enlighten me in the comments below.

Thanks for reading.  xo

 

Blog Challenge Day 7: Pet Hates

Pet hates?  As in, things I hate about my pet?  That’s easy.  He starts meowing at 5am and continues to do so until the whole family is awake.  He doesn’t want food, he doesn’t want to be outside, he just wants us all to be out of bed and that’s really annoying.  He also has a knack for sitting so close to me while I’m lying down that he’s practically giving me a little brown kiss on the face, if you know what I mean.  I really, really hate that.

Good thing he’s so handsome.

Now, pet peeves?  I might have a few of those. You weren't surprised, were you?

·        Bad drivers.  They’re everywhere, on every street, every day. 

 

·        Bad cyclers.  I live in a city with a lot of one-way streets.  I love them, a lot of people hate them, and that’s a whole other post on its own.  My point is, I see people EVERY DAY riding their bikes the wrong way on major one-way streets.  It’s dangerous and it’s stupid.

 

·        Bad pedestrians.  It makes me so angry when I see people walking against red lights.  Especially when it’s on a busy street and they’re pushing a baby stroller.  I see this more often than I should.

 

·        Listening to people chug their hot drinks.  Disgusting.

What are your pet peeves?  And anything you hate about your pet?  Come on, there’s got to be something…

Blog Challenge Day 6: My 5 Senses Right......NOW!

 

Sight:                  I’m looking across my dining room table at a bunch of yarn that is just waiting for me to whip up into something spectacular!  I also see the yellow walls that I would love to have painted and the record player console that I would like to have gutted and rebuilt.  And my Hamilton neighbourhood maps.  I love them.  It's amazing how many conversations have been started by those three little posters.  Oh, and there is also the list of kid-selected house rules:

1.       Love each other all days.

2.       Clean up after yourself and then help someone else.

3.       Keep our hands and feet to ourselves. 

 

Hearing:             Shhh, listen….do you hear that?  The window is open beside me and I can hear birds chirping sweetly, wind softly rustling the leaves in the trees and someone mowing their lawn somewhere in the distance.  You know what I don’t hear?  Kids!  That’s right, I’m in my house all alone.  How did this happen, you ask?  My husband took them camping.  I love him.

Touch:                I can feel the waist of my pants working over time since I finished my dinner.  It was delicious, I ate too much and now my pants are too tight.  I need to get my joggers on.  Or undo these pants at the very least. 

Smell:                 There is a pretty fresh smell in here, since all the windows are open.  If I lean forward just a little, I can get a pretty great whiff of my cat.  His paws smell like popcorn.

Taste:                 Water.  Plain ol’ H2O.  I love it.

That was easy!  I’m glad it didn’t take nearly as long as yesterday’s post did.  I have a few more hours of alone time in the house (which never, ever happens!), so I need to go enjoy every last minute of it.         

DIY Neighbourhood Food Drive

My family and I have organized a food drive on our street for the last four years.  The first two were held over Thanksgiving weekend, when people were feeling thankful and generous.  Last summer, we decided to move it to July, when we knew kids and families would be more in need while the schools (and their breakfast/food programs) were closed for the summer.  It’s an easy way to make a huge impact in your community, a nice way to stay in touch with your neighbours and, in our case, a natural way to talk about community needs with the kids and discuss ways to make a difference as a family.

Here’s how you can organize a food drive in your neighbourhood:

1.       Pick a couple days to stay home so your neighbours can drop food donations off at your house and decide which food bank you would like the donations to go to.

2.       Let your neighbours know!  We printed a half-page flyer for each house on our street with all the details and my husband and daughter dropped them in each mailbox on one very hot morning a week before the drive.  The flyer also reminded them of the 545 pounds of food and $90 we raised over our two-day drive last summer and thanked them for their generosity.

 

 

3.       Collect the donations from your neighbours over your scheduled days and then deliver the food to your chosen food bank.   

 

 

4.       Thank your neighbours!  Most food banks have the capability to weigh the total donation and will usually send a thank you card with the weight noted.  We photocopy the card and deliver one to each house on the street so they can see the impact of their generosity.

It really is that easy.  We weren’t sure how this year’s drive would do, since less than a week before our chosen dates, most houses on our street lost their power for 24-hours due to a crazy storm and our neighbours likely had to restock their own fridges as a result.  We were pleasantly surprised when the scale at the food bank read 482.5 pounds and we handed over $140 in cash donations.  Another amazing year for the food drive and further proof that people really do want to help, sometimes all you have to do is ask.

 

 

The Incredible Years Program Part 2: Praise the Sh*t Out of Your Kid

Before I get into this section of the Incredible Years Program, let me just say something about praise.  I’ve read endless parenting books – some are in support of praise, others not so much.  The main argument against it suggests that it creates praise junkies meaning that the more praise children receive, the more they rely on adult evaluations instead of forming their own judgments.  Other theories suggest that praise manipulates children, casts judgment on them and decreases their pleasure.    

That being said, I am a huge supporter of praise.  This is where my husband and I found we were most falling behind and also where we saw the most improved behaviour.  It is also important to note that some parents state that they don’t praise their children but rather, they encourage them.  I say whatever.  We’re all talking about the same thing here, so use whatever verb you want.  I’m calling it praise, even if it’s not the most popular word in parenting circles right now.

Here are some suggestions for praising your kid:

·       Catch your child being good – don’t save praise for perfect behaviour.  This was a HUGE light bulb moment for my husband and me.  We realized we were waiting for full days of no hitting, kicking, scratching and swearing before we would offer any praise.  Instead, we started praising every 15 minutes of good behaviour.  It was A LOT of praise and definitely seemed like overkill but our son loved it and really responded well to knowing that we were paying attention all the time. 

·       Choose one behaviour you would like to see your child engage in more frequently, and systematically praise it every time it occurs for a week.  For example: playing quietly, going to bed when requested, picking up toys and sharing with others.  The idea here is rather than point out (and in doing so, reward with attention) every time they don’t do something, praise them every time they do.   Once you’re seeing the behaviours you want to see more often, you can ease up on that specific praise and move onto praising other behaviours you would like to see.

·       Give labeled and specific praise. Rather than generic “good boy” or “good girl” sentiments, which are vague and generic, make sure to tell your child exactly what it is you’re praising.  When we started focusing on praise, my husband and I were constantly saying "wow, you're playing so nicely together", "I like the way you're using your words" and "you really know your manners". 

The program also suggests a tangible rewards system with charts, stars and stickers for desired behaviours.  After a week, the stars and stickers can be traded in for toys, screen time or other sought after items.  We chose not to go this route.  Our praise naturally comes with social rewards such as hugs, smiles, eye contact and enthusiasm so we decided to leave it at that.  I’m against giving our kids an allowance based on the household chores they complete each week.  I think that rather than pay kids to help out around the house, they should be contributing simply as members of the family.  We felt the same way about good behaviour – it’s just expected in our family and not something that we’re paid to do.

Try this out in a way that works for your family.  Just remember to be specific and to praise often!  Good luck and be sure to let me know how it goes.

 

One week down.

This is now where I spend my days, surrounded by photos of and drawings made by my family.

 

Well, I did it.  I made it through my first week back at work.  Here are some things I’ve learned:

·         Humans really are creatures of habit.  I mean, I’ve been gone for 9 months and started right back into the same routines I was in before I left.  I drink my coffee and catch up on emails first thing, sip tea and work through my to-do list for the rest of the day. 

·         Kids are totally adaptable if you have put the proper resources in place.  Picking the most amazing childcare provider for our family has made a huge difference in our son’s behavior this time around.  Sure, it’s only been a few days but it’s already so different from this time last year when he was sent to what we now know was the wrong daycare for us.   

·         I really like being outside.  I spend my windowless office hours thinking about my garden and when I’m going to find the time to harvest those beets already.  I miss the sun and the fresh air and the feeling of my bare feet in the grass.

·         It turns out, I like my coffee hot!  I forgot what it was like to finish a hot cuppa joe before it got cold.  There are definitely some perks to working outside the home.

All in all, my week was good.  I have found it easier to settle in than I thought I would and my family seems to have already adjusted to the change.  Maybe it won’t be such an awful summer after all.

the day i took the tv away

CONFESSION: My children watch too much television.

It’s not like they’re a couple of little robots sitting in front of it all day or anything, but they'll usually watch a show or two first thing in the morning, a movie in the afternoon and another movie or another couple of shows before bed. 

We’ve been using the TV as a means to keep the kids quiet while we get things done around the house, a way for them to cool down in the afternoon in lieu of taking a nap and, if I’m being completely honest here, it’s also been a case of lazy parenting.  It’s just easy to put on a movie and let it keep them entertained for a little while.

A couple of movies and a show didn’t seem too terrible at first thought.  When I stopped to think about it a little more though, it dawned on me that it was 3.5-4 hours of television every day.  Over 24 hours of TV a week!  It has to stop so I’ve just introduced my family to the NO TV CHALLENGE.  That’s right, I’ve taken it away for one week.  Not too much time, but enough to hopefully make a huge impact on our family.

My husband refused to help me physically remove it from the wall (he said that was taking the challenge a little too far), so this is what I did:

This is the reaction I got from my daughter:

 
And this is the reaction I got from my son:

 
Wish me luck!  It’s going to be a long week.

The Incredible Years Indeed

When hubby and I decided to start a family we were pretty sure we already knew all there was to know about raising a child.  We could feed it, snuggle it, change its poopy diapers – that’s all there was to it, right?  Piece of cake!

 

Pan to a few years later when we’re practically pulling our hair out because our 4-year old is hitting, spitting, swearing, growling and being kicked out of daycare (twice!).  Our son was clearly going through something and we didn’t know how to help him.  That was seven months ago.  That was when I left work and we looked into getting some real help. 

After what seemed like constant appointments with different pediatricians and psychologists to confirm that there was actually no diagnosis to be made, we were pointed in the direction of a 12-week parenting program called The Incredible Years.  It seemed as though, despite what we were hearing from past daycare providers,  there was actually nothing wrong with our son (thankfully!) and in fact, the problem was with how we were parenting him.  We clearly needed to brush up on our skills so we breathed deeply, checked our egos and committed to the 12-weeks.

The Incredible Years is a free program offered through the City of Hamilton’s Public Health department.  I don’t think I have ever been more grateful to live in a city with such amazing resources at our fingertips.  The change we have seen in our son’s behaviour is astounding and all because we have committed to slight changes in our parenting habits.  There were six families taking part in the program and all of us have seen amazing results in our kids.  I’m sure that isn’t a coincidence.

 

I encourage you to check out the resources offered where you live and sign up for the program yourself.  If you prefer the quick and dirty version instead, fear not – I will share it here every Thursday.  Parenting is a hard gig; I think we could all use a little refresher now and then.

Good day, Sunshine!

Life is just better when it’s warm and sunny, isn’t it?  We spent hours outside today – checking out snails, digging for worms, playing hopscotch and making ourselves dizzy on the swings.  We cooked outside, we ate outside and we loved every minute of it.

 

After a long and crappy winter, I’m so ready to say hello to warm sunshiny days.

screw the weather, spring is here

While it may not feel like the first day of spring in Hamilton with a high of 0 degrees (that, by the way, feels like a freezing cold -5), I’m determined to warm things up in the Red House.

Earlier today, I was starting to go nuts listening to the kids constantly argue with each other over nothing.  Hubby was just getting up and at ‘em so I did my usual – I tagged him in and retreated to bed.  I laid there for fifteen minutes and then reminded myself of a conversation I had with my counsellor yesterday. 

He asked me to list all the things I disliked in my life right now.  I quickly came up with this:

·         Feeling overwhelmed a lot of the time
·         Becoming less and less engaged with my children
·         Not being in control of my emotions

Then he asked me to list my core values, the things that I stand for and believe in.  Just as quickly as the first list, I came up with this:

·         My family
·         My community
·         Being a good person
·         Raising my kids to be good people

He then reminded me that I had to be careful how I think because as we think, we feel.  He also reminded me that I need to stand in the goodness of now.  I loved that.

So with that, I got out of bed, joined my family downstairs and we all made Rice Krispies Squares.  We mixed, we giggled, we ate far too many marshmallows.

I’m constantly wishing my now was better when really, I should be standing in the goodness of it.  It really is pretty good, after all.

 

 

bad day, good night

At 7:00 tonight, I was lying in bed wallowing in my worry about everything – how even though I’m trying to parent as best I can I know I’m screwing my kids up somehow, how taking time off work is affecting my career and our finances, how easily this morning’s panic attack came after reading some tragic news.  With a kitchen full of dinner dishes downstairs and kids just about ready to be put to bed, I wondered if I was going to have the energy to contribute to my household tonight. 

Then I remembered a few other things: my husband was downstairs with the kids and was probably already cleaning up the kitchen, we live just a few blocks from stairs that lead up the escarpment, I’m in control of my own life (or at least I can be on a good day).  With that, I got out of my pjs and brushed my teeth for the first time today, (I know, gross but I just can’t help it some days), kissed my kids goodnight and headed for the stairs.

And I’m so glad I did because I would have missed this view.

It’s amazing what four trips up and down a flight of 228 stairs can do for your body and mind.  It’s just so peaceful and allowed me to think of the things I did well today: I kissed my husband and my kids a bazillion times each, I did two loads of laundry, I made a delicious dinner and at the end of the day, I took care of me.  Yup, I done good.

Downtown Hamilton with a 4-year old and a budget

Not being at work every day has been good for me in a lot of ways.  I don’t feel pressure to act happy when I’m not and I get to spend lots of time with my kids while they’re small.  It hasn’t, however, been good for my wallet.  We’ve had to really budget for the first time ever and cut back on luxuries that up until now I had been taking for granted.  Like for instance, paying for frills at the grocery store and plucking my eyebrows when I would otherwise pay to have them waxed. Oh, the horror of it all!

Thanks to my mom taking my three year old Edie for the day, I had the opportunity to spend today with my four year old Rudie. When I was working full-time, spending the day together would have meant going out for lunch, then maybe some hot chocolate and shopping and then likely taking in a movie together. Today though, my budget was extremely limited so we decided to eat lunch at home, then get on the bus and spend our day exploring downtown Hamilton instead.

First of all, going ANYWHERE on the bus is a big deal to a four year old who normally walks or gets driven to his destination.  Going downtown on the bus?  He was too excited to speak.  We checked out the fish at Central Library, ran around on top of Jackson Square and waved to all the traffic on King Street below. 

 

We had to make a quick stop at the grocery store (with no frills to mention!) on the way home and that’s when we had an extra special treat.  Since four-year old bladders need to be emptied often, we had a tour of the massive overstock area and Rudie even got to use the lift.  What luck!

All in all, we had an amazing time exploring our great downtown.  Rudie’s favourite part was riding on the bus two times.  My favourite part?  Spending some one-on-one time with my kid in our great city and only spending a whopping  $5.10 for bus fare.