Happy New Year from the Red House!

If only a couple hours ago you asked me about my favourite New Year’s Eve, it would most definitely have been ringing in 2005.  I was madly in love and was hanging out in Halifax with my boyfriend (now my  husband) as his band played the Forum and drinking more than my fair share of their rider.  I really didn’t think it could get any better. 

That is, until I rang in 2014.  Yep, I know, it’s only just past 8pm on December 31st and I have already celebrated but, let me tell you, it was the best celebration yet.

I came home from work tonight and told the kids that the three of us were having a party, (hubby is working the late shift tonight).  Once I explained what New Year’s Eve was, their little planning wheels started turning at high-speed.  The first thing my son did?  He made a list.  I worry that he may be just a little too much like his mama, but how cute is this list anyway?

We got started on making the decorations right away .  What’s a New Year’s Eve celebration without fireworks?  With some black construction paper, a little glue and a ton of glitter, we made our own.  Had I realized the glue would get drippy (and why wouldn’t it?!), I would have let our fireworks dry a little before I hung them up.  I just explained that the drips were the fireworks launching into the sky and the kids were happy with that.

The party started at 6pm and, in accordance with our list, we had candles, music, games, food, and toys (hats,and noise makers).  I talked the kids into swapping the movie watching with a dance party and they were all over it.  We played musical chairs, had a magic show and danced our little hearts out in true Red House style.

We counted down to 2014 at 7pm.  We made lots of noise, we kissed and hugged and then made our way upstairs for the coziest tuck-in of the year.  I thanked them for making 2013 one of my best year’s ever and off they went into Dreamland.  If tonight is any indication of what’s to come, 2014 is going to be another amazing year for our little family.

Thanks for reading and all the best in 2014!

 

 

The Dreaded Junk Drawer

It starts on the counter-top, a little bit at a time.  A bill here, a school newsletter there.  Then every few days, the paper pile moves from the counter to the top of the fridge.  There, it just keeps growing and growing.  Magazines are added, books, toys and nail polish, too until eventually, it looks like this:

Then, every month or so, (usually whenever company is coming), the ugly pile gets moved from the top of the fridge and thrown into the junk drawer.  You know the one.  Every house has a drawer just like it.  Bobby pins, tools, gift wrap and stickers all find their way into this drawer until one day, you start to find random pieces of junk that have escaped down the back of the drawer and into the cupboard below. 

Today was that day for me.  I opened my junk drawer this morning to find this:

Thankfully, I had already had my second cup of coffee and rather than feeling defeated, I felt motivated.  I started with that nasty drawer and then made my way to the top of the fridge.  And now?  Now the junk-collecting spots in my kitchen look like this:

 

 

But for how long?  While I was sorting, shredding and filing, I vowed to deal with each piece of paper as it came into the house from now on.  Now, I’m wondering if that was a realistic promise to make myself.  Is it even possible in a busy household?!

 

Where does the junk collect in your house?  Do you deal with it right away or let it build up like I do?  Please share your tips, as I clearly need them.  Or, better yet, let me know about your junk drawer and how long you leave it before you’re forced to clean it out.  You know, to make me feel better about my messy habits.

 

 

 

 

 

Right Back Where We Started

If you’re a regular reader of Tales from the Red House, you know just how far we’ve come this year.  My son Rudie is a great kid.  A super kid!  With some hard work by all four members of our family this year, his behaviour at home has changed from hitting, swearing, spitting, and screaming back into the actions of the sweet, funny, smart and snuggly little guy that we knew was in there all along. 

 

Did you see the catch there?  His behaviour AT HOME has changed.  There were still issues whenever Rudie was with our daycare provider, and we were worried about what would happen once he was back in school, but we thought we were managing the day-to-day.  We were using all the things we had learned in the Incredible Years program, all the parenting tools we had put into place around the house, and all the meetings with doctors, social workers, and therapists all who had the same diagnosis of “there is no diagnosis”, and the advice that he would one day grow out of it.  But then one day last week we got a call that we did not see coming and our lives were turned upside down once again.  Our amazing and perfect-for-us daycare provider was having a really hard time with Rudie’s behaviour and would no longer be able to watch him.*  And there we were, just like that, without daycare for the third time in a year.

 

We were so sad and so worried and to be honest, it took everything we had to not be angry with Rudie. 

In just a few days, we’ve been able to sort out daycare.  It’s taken a lot of help from family to fill in the immediate gaps and an understanding workplace that is allowing me to work part-time hours to care for my kids before and after school.  That’s a huge load off our backs.  Then Rudie had his second day of Senior Kindergarten today.  While he was there, he spit on his friend’s snack, hit his teacher three times and all of a sudden, we’re here again.

We are now in the process of reopening our file with Children’s Mental Health and we have an appointment with our family doctor next week.  We’re taking all the same steps we’ve taken over the last twelve months but this time, we’re not taking no-answer for an answer.  Aggressive behaviour is one thing, but getting kicked out of three daycares is another thing entirely.  We need answers this time and we need them for our little boy.  We don’t talk specifics in front of him, but he knows exactly what’s happening.  He’s too bright not to. 

I’ll be sharing the tips, tricks and tools that have been working in our house over the next little while and will also post regular updates about our progress on this, our second lap.  In the meantime, I’m sending Rudie to school tomorrow with these in his backpack.  Laminated reminders of the family that love him every day.

 

*Our amazing and perfect-for-us daycare provider is still amazing and perfect-for-us but Rudie is a tough kid to provide care for, especially when you’re defending your own kids against his violent behaviour.



Blog Challenge Day 17: My Most Proud Moment

Can a year be a moment?  If so, then this last year, from August 2012-August 2013, has been the moment (albeit a long moment), when I’ve been most proud of myself and my family. 

This time last year, I had just started to take on a lot more responsibility at work; it was a pretty big challenge that I welcomed and was excited about.  We were also about to move our kids to a new daycare, a home daycare that was close to the school.  We had just spent our first year in the red house, and were ready to start working on our long list of renovations, DIY updates, and were at the start of an estimated ten years of projects.     

Without realizing it, I had put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect.  The perfect mom, wife, employee and home maker.  I wanted to do it all.  I was starting to see signs of anxiety at this point and had been to my doctor about it.  It didn’t occur to me though that maybe all the pressure was too much for me to handle until one little piece of my plan threw me for a loop and I cracked.  The crack was big.

We had always known our son was emotional, spirited and busy.  There were definitely some behavioural issues, but we assumed it was just regular 3-4 year old behaviour.  We had brought it up at our daycare at the time and they agreed, there was some challenging behaviour at times but all the other kids in the daycare had their challenging moments as well.  At the new home daycare, however, things got a lot worse.  Looking back, we really didn’t prepare our son well for the huge change that a new daycare would bring.  We definitely could have done that better.  The daycare provider also didn’t know how to deal with difficult behaviour and only made it worse by segregating our son from the rest of the kids and telling him he was bad.  We had to wait a month before we could get our son into another new daycare, and that month was filled with heartache and worry.  We watched our bright boy’s self-esteem plummet as my anxiety sky rocketed.  The angry and violent behaviour continued in our son's junior kindergarten class as well as at the new daycare and my panic attacks increased to several times daily.  This is when I left work and we got some help.

We took time, a lot of time.  We pulled our kids from daycare and took a look at how we were parenting.  We enrolled ourselves in a 12-week parenting course and were able to work really closely with our son’s teacher and the school administration to make sure we were staying consistent both at home and at school.  Not being at work allowed me the time to take care of myself as well.  I focused on eating properly, finding new hobbies and getting a lot of sleep. 

There were definitely some other benefits to being home with the kids for nine months: we were finally able to stick to a budget (as we had no choice but to), I was able to really get to know our school community and make some new friends, and best of all, we were able to take the time to find the perfect daycare for our kids so I could go back to work without worry.

My biggest learning from this last year has been accepting the fact that I’m not perfect, I’m never going to be perfect and that really, I don’t want to be perfect.  I’ve been able to figure my priorities out and know where I can take it a little easier.  I go into work five times a week and do the best I can do, but I don’t take my job home with me and I’m no longer interested in one day running the place.  I’ve stopped obsessing over every parenting book I can find and have once again started reading books just for the fun of it.  We weren’t able to take on any major renovations in the house this year, since I wasn’t brining in my regular salary while I was off work, and we’ve decided that, instead of taking on a project for 2014, that money will be better spent on our first real family vacation.  The renovations can wait. 

We’re on a new path here at the red house because we took the time to fix the cracks in our foundation.  It’s been the hardest year that I can remember but has also been the year, and the moment, that has made me the most proud.